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I can now see the folly of missing that very important day of my 10th grade science class. You know, the day that I decided to sleep in the closet all day and ditch school.
Yes, I am sure if I had gone to school that day I would have heard this:
“Now boys and girls, one day you will be so thankful that you are good students and come to class each and every day,”
“Today I will share with you real life physics. It’s a lesson you will NEVER want to forget, so listen up!”
“One day your twelve year old will come to you and say something like-Mom, can I have some of that soda we put in the freezer about 5 hours ago. I know it not all the way frozen. So can I have some? Please! Please!”
“At that moment boys and girls you must do this: Shout “NO! Don’t touch that bottle! If you open it, the contents will explode forth and spray soda over the ENTIRE kitchen and into the NEXT room too!”
At that point, I am sure that the science teacher went on to explain the scientific reason for this phenomenon.
Had I ACTUALLY gone to class, I am sure I would have learned this valuable lesson.
Yes, Sunday was the day that teacher warning the smart children about. Dumb me!
And here are some lessons I learned in real life and not in class:
- One day every mother will be thankful she buys diet soda.
- When you hear a large popping sound after you give your kid permission to open the frozen soda bottle you will run into the room and find soda dripping from your ceiling.
- The child will be so stunned that he will stand immobilized holding the overflowing soda that is now running into his shoes on onto the floor.
- His sister will be standing across the room soaked and looking quite a bit like an upset Marsha Brady.
- That soda will then soak into the ceiling and you will frantically scrub it with Spic and Span while standing on the kitchen island!
- However, before you even think of cleaning the ceiling you will crawl around on your hands and knees getting every drop of said soda off of the pristine carpet in the living room.
- You will then feel thankful you spent a bit extra on the carpet because 50 of the 100 drops will sit nicely on top of the carpet pile and not soak in like the other 50 drops.
- After finishing the ceiling you will wipe down the kitchen walls and the front of every cabinet in the kitchen.
- When you get to the top of the refrigerator you will realize that you have neglected it and go ahead and wipe the thick layer of soda drenched dust off.
- When you climb up on the kitchen counter tops to get the soda off of the soffits you may find your husband’s long lost needle nose pliers that he has been looking for. (You will realize that you borrowed them to pry off the miniblind to clean it about 4 months prior.)
- You will follow all of the higher cleaning with a good scrub of the floor and bleaching the grout on the kitchen tile (that two nights before you had polished to an incredible sparkle that would make the neighbor ladies drool).
- Finally, when the preteen who started the chain of events comes down stairs, after showering off the soda (and while his sister is still in the bath removing said soda from her entire body) and apologizes with sweet doe eyes, you find the grace (with the help of the Lord above) to hug him and say “It’s alright sweetie. I‘ve cleaned it up. Don’t worry about it."